Pain

Pain comes in many forms. First off, there's the physical pain. You can pinpoint exactly where you're hurting and what kind of pain it is. Is it shooting pain? Does it come in waves? Is it sharp? Is it a dull pain? Second, there's emotional pain. The kind that can quite possibly result in physical pain. The kind that causes you to dread waking up in the morning. The kind that can put a damper on everything you do. The kind that makes you unintentionally treat others differently. The kind that questions who you truly are. It is constant. It is everywhere. It hurts in places that you can't describe. This pain is triggered by the slightest memory, smell, thought or sight.
I am hurting emotionally. I've been hurting, but have been trying to hold it in; toughen up because of the lack of understanding from others. I hurt every time someone doesn't understand and expects me to be fine. I hurt everytime someone professes to understand, because I know they really don't. This hurt is brought on by someone that I love very much making decisions that will cause unhappiness in the long run. I hurt everytime I go to church and see others living the life I've always wanted. I hurt when I read my journal of times when I was happy. I hurt when I try and fall asleep at night, wondering what he's doing. I hurt when I think of moving on. I hurt when I see his family and how badly I wanted to be apart of it. I hurt when I think of my future. The future that was once so beautiful and hard, but I could take it on with him! The future that is now bleak and dark, the one I don't want. I hurt when I kneel down on the side of my bed and when I beg Heavenly Father to do something, something to make him realize. I hurt looking in the mirror and wishing I could be beautiful for him. I hurt picking out outfits that I know he would love. I hurt when I listen to songs that could've describe our lives perfectly. I hurt so bad when I go to dances and remember all of the times he held me close and swayed to the music. I hurt when I can't act myself because my heart is literally shattered in my chest. Mostly I hurt when I have a spiritual experience that makes me so happy and I can't share it with him.