Consistent Intentions.

Each person has defining characteristics that make them, them. I believe in order to understand your importance in life, you have to know those defining characteristics. What makes you tick? What is the driving force behind your actions? What are your goals in life? What makes you feel special about yourself? What do you need from others to feel loved? What are you willing to change? What do you NEED to change? What do you refuse to change because you feel it makes you, you? I agree with George Bernard Shaw when he said, “Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.”

One day I was having a long talk with my sister and I was expressing my confusion and concern about the many scriptures that indicate that the Lord knows the intents of our heart and I wanted to know what the importance of truly praying for guidance was, when the Lord already knows what I should pray for before I do. I also was familiar with the doctrine that our destiny isn’t fixed, but is dependent upon our decisions. I operate on an intellectual level and this did not sit well with me. It did not make sense and I have a hard time doing things that don’t make sense. She did a fantastic job of explaining how the Lord knows us so well, that He knows what decision(s) we are inclined to make in a certain situation because of previous decisions and the certain qualities that we possess. Just like any new truth, this caused me to ponder on what the intents of my heart were. I want to know myself as well as the Lord knew me. Sometimes I feel like I want to change things up - make decisions that I normally wouldn’t. I’m sure the Lord is well aware of my strange desire to change things up. This is just one of many of my quirks that makes me, me. Everyone is so different, yet the Lord knows all. How amazing is that!

So, I also agree with Aristotle when he said, “We are what we repeatedly do, excellence then is not an act, but a habit.” If we understand the true intents of our hearts, we control our excellence. Once we understand what we need to change and act upon it, we master ourselves. I want to be put in a situation and be thinking, “I bet the Lord is thinking I’ll make this decision because I am constant and the intent of my heart is to do good continually.”

A Quote

This sums up exactly what I've been thinking and feeling lately.

Elder Holland said:
“It has been said that envy is the one sin to which no one readily confesses, but just how widespread that tendency can be is suggested in the old Danish proverb, ‘If envy were a fever, all the world would be ill.’ . . . As others seem to grow larger in our sight, we think we must therefore be smaller. So, unfortunately, we occasionally act that way.

How does this happen, especially when we wish so much that it would not? I think one of the reasons is that every day we see allurements of one kind or another that tell us what we have is not enough. Someone or something is forever telling us we need to be more handsome or more wealthy, more applauded or more admired than we see ourselves as being. We are told we haven’t collected enough possessions or gone to enough fun places. We are bombarded with the message that on the world’s scale of things we have been weighed in the balance and found wanting
[see Daniel 5:27]. . . .

But God does not work this way. . . I testify that no one of us is less treasured or cherished of God than another. I testify that He loves each of us—insecurities, anxieties, self-image, and all. He doesn’t measure our talents or our looks; He doesn’t measure our professions or our possessions. He cheers on every runner, calling out that the race is against sin, not against each other. I know that if we will be faithful, there is a perfectly tailored robe of righteousness ready and waiting for everyone [see Isaiah 61:10; 2 Nephi 4:33; 9:14], ‘robes . . . made . . .white in the blood of the Lamb’ [Revelation 7:14].

May we encourage each other in our effort to win that prize” (in Conference Report, Apr. 2002, 72, 74; or
Ensign, May 2002, 63–64).

A Quote

This sums up exactly what I've been thinking and feeling lately.

Elder Holland said:
“It has been said that envy is the one sin to which no one readily confesses, but just how widespread that tendency can be is suggested in the old Danish proverb, ‘If envy were a fever, all the world would be ill.’ . . . As others seem to grow larger in our sight, we think we must therefore be smaller. So, unfortunately, we occasionally act that way.

How does this happen, especially when we wish so much that it would not? I think one of the reasons is that every day we see allurements of one kind or another that tell us what we have is not enough. Someone or something is forever telling us we need to be more handsome or more wealthy, more applauded or more admired than we see ourselves as being. We are told we haven’t collected enough possessions or gone to enough fun places. We are bombarded with the message that on the world’s scale of things we have been weighed in the balance and found wanting
[see Daniel 5:27]. . . .

But God does not work this way. . . I testify that no one of us is less treasured or cherished of God than another. I testify that He loves each of us—insecurities, anxieties, self-image, and all. He doesn’t measure our talents or our looks; He doesn’t measure our professions or our possessions. He cheers on every runner, calling out that the race is against sin, not against each other. I know that if we will be faithful, there is a perfectly tailored robe of righteousness ready and waiting for everyone [see Isaiah 61:10; 2 Nephi 4:33; 9:14], ‘robes . . . made . . .white in the blood of the Lamb’ [Revelation 7:14].

May we encourage each other in our effort to win that prize” (in Conference Report, Apr. 2002, 72, 74; or
Ensign, May 2002, 63–64).

Things I'm going to miss about Arkansas...

1. My parents. My dad's random jokes. My mom's little notes of encouragement.

2. GREEN! Arkansas has turned so BEAUTIFUL with all this rain. I love how lush and fresh everything is.

3. Humidity. My own personal sauna outside. Plus, my car runs better...

4. ColumbiaMex. Authentic carne asada tacos with onions and cilantro. Yumm. Ahh, and how much better is it when you wash it down with IntaJuice...

5. And of course...Mi amigos. I'm going to miss my friends.

Although, here are the things I'm looking forward to:

1. Playing with my nephews whenever I want.

2. Cooking/Baking with my sister. Shopping. Talking. Picking cherries. You know...typical sister stuff.

3. Having a big girl job. Making big girl moneys.

4. MOUNTAINS!

5. My Utah (Ex-Arkansas) friends. Colton Coleslaw Bramwell. Haha. Erin Steiner. Plus, new Utah friends. Oh, and my nemesis.

Happiness

I was browsing through some bumper stickers on facebook and I happened to run across a quote by Bob Dylan. NOT the usual person I would quote, but it caused my mind to contemplate what he really meant and what I drew from it. It said, "Behind every beautiful thing, there is some kind of pain."

Everyone has pain. Everyone has some sort of trial in their life that causes some kind of pain. That's the fact of life. The ability to cope with this reflects our happiness or our "beauty." Sometimes it's easy to perceive a happy, beautiful person and long to be like them, but it's fact that they have some kind of pain. The reason they are beautiful and happy is because they were able to think positive and move forward.

Being able to progress amidst the trials of life makes us beautiful and happy.

What will be your legacy?

As I was going through the security line at the Salt Lake International Airport, I saw a group of people of all ages congregated with a "Welcome Home" sign and video cameras. I used my quick thinking and deducted that they were waiting for the return of a missionary. I WAS in Utah. Intrigued I tried to move as slowly as possible through the line so I could watch the arrival of this missionary. Unfortunately the line was short and I was on the other side. I really wanted to see the excitement on this missionary's face. So I found myself sitting myself down on a comfy seat so I could watch. With hindsight, that was kind of weird. I hope they don't look through there videos and see me! Anyway, I sat there and kept my eyes peeled for a young man wearing a suit and nametag. I didn't see one. However, I did see a senior couple couple wearing tags walking towards the exit. As I heard the screams as the crowd spotted the couple, I was overwhelmed with emotion. Tears welled up in my eyes as the reality of the ripple effect settled in. The senior sister missionary cried out, "There are our kids!" There was her posterity. Her sons, daughters, son-in-laws, daugther-in-laws, grandbabies and other people that were affected by her. How wonderful of a feeling that must've been to see just a small portion of people who loved you dearly and anticipated your arrival. People who missed you.

I look forward to the day where my children and grandchildren can "welcome me home" with such love and excitement. I pray that I can be such a woman of integrity, to leave my legacy.

My camera's battery was dead, or I would've stalkerishly tried to sneak a picture. I wanted to remember the emotions I felt, so I quickly sketched what I saw. :)

Defining Audrey Qualities

I find it is easier to maintain control over my emotions in life when I understand myself.
So, here are the top five things that I've classified as my "defining Audrey qualities."

1) The one thing that brings me the most happiness and the most sadness in my life is the same thing. People. I love people. I love older people, middle aged people, young adults, little kids and especially babies.

I was blessed with the ability to care for others. I love people easily. I will do anything for someone who I care about, so I generally will do anything for anyone if it brings them happiness. I believe that random acts of kindness are the missing pieces in life. This brings me the most happiness.

I care too much for people. When I see someone hurting, I hurt. When someone doesn't live up to his/her potential, I am disappointed. When people are sad, I'm sad. This brings the most sadness in my life.

2) I like to be unique. If I'm in a situation where I feel as if my uniqueness is jeopardized, I leave.

3) I have to feel needed and loved or I shut down and run away.

4) I'm afraid of failure. Because of this I rarely do my best in anything. This only applies to situations where failure could be humiliating. Even though I could care less what others think of me, I would be humiliated if I failed at something. Even if nobody cared, I still would be embarrassed. On the same note, when I put my mind to do something, I'm going to do it well.

5) I love everything. I love all kinds of varieties of movies, foods, books, sports, clothes...everything. I used to think that I was a people pleaser because I liked everything everyone else liked, but I realized, I can be down with anything pretty much.